u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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