i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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