# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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