Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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