If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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