I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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