my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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