Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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