I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize