a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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