12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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