WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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