Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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