I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize