Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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