i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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