It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize