I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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