i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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