you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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