I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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