So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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