wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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