How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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