My friends, they love my intelligence
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize