but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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