I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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