I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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