phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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