Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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