I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize