Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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