He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
And then he peed in my hair
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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