Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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