help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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