I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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