Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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