just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize