just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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