and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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