Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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