What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize