I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize