i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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