turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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