Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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