I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize