I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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