I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize