Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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